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There’s this thing called Rule 34, which states that “if you can think of it, there’s porn of it”. Rule 34 has been around since like 10BCE (Before Covid Era).

So you can only imagine how so many waitresses and showgirls felt when we all independently had the bright idea to start doing webcam or OnlyFans when we were informed of our non-essentialness… only to discover the market is saturated already, with wayyyy weirder things than even I could have thought up. Plus, I can’t possibly compete with all these internet yogis with their bleached buttholes and unironic husky voices.

Ok fine, no camming.

Titty parties on Zoom? Maybe, but how secure are we talkin’? If Hamish Blake can crash into random Zoom business meetings, I don’t want my censored bosoms ending up on some edgy Vice article about adaptability and synergy.

That’s out too.

What about self improvement, then? All this time at home, surely I can just use it to clean my entire house, learn to bake, maybe find out how to crash into some online uni lectures and see how long it takes to get kicked out for flashing nip? Put on makeup and high heels to take out the bins, just for a little weekly reminder of my fabulousness?

Ok serious talk now. Loneliness, isolation, fear, financial uncertainty, and having your freedom yanked out from under you can be disastrous for our mental health if we don’t do what we can to adapt and create whatever new routines we can… whether that’s finding new ways to use household items for exercise, or having a weekly (or daily, yolo) catchup bevvy on webcam with your mates. If you go with the latter, just know that by using Buuber to deliver the goods, you’re helping support your favourite nonessential industry girls while keeping us relevant.

*** If you need help, there is 24/7 crisis support available at Lifeline on 13 11 14. ***

– written by Sex Bomb Stevie

 

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